"Updates from Shmonty's Social Media" as read on the air today:
Updates from 6:30am
@DannyZuker - I think I've always related to Canadians because I grew up with downstairs neighbors who were super loud
@thesulk - I want my funeral to be 20 consecutive moments of silence followed by a first-time bugler playing taps
@JennyJohnsonHi5 - If you have a weird, obscure name, don't arrogantly correct people when they pronounce it wrong. Your parents f*cked you over, deal with it.
Updates from 8:30am
@NatetheEnigma - Just wanted to say that I love you & you're beautiful & I wasted all our grocery money on the claw grabber machine & here's a purple hippo.
@Dog_Marriage - Breaking news from My dog!! there ar Small animals outside sometimes, but especially Right Now.
@SamGrittner I CAN FEEL THE POWER OF THE DONUT COURSING THROUGH MY VEINS AND ELBOWS! DO NOT F*CK WITH ME, LEST YOU WANT THE SPRINKLES OF FURY!
See you on the interwebs! -Shmonty