Updates from Shmonty's Social Media 03/07/13:
@pan_duh so Bruce Wayne should become the next pope then he can rename it BATICAN CITY HAHAHAHA...HA ok ill stop
@Cali_Kid_Mike My marriage counselor is saying that me tweeting during this meeting is one of the problems.
@leashalette Make no mistake, I may be fairly easy on the eyes, but I have the spirit of Leatherface inside me.
@UncleDuke1969 Maybe she's born with it. Maybe she wouldn't have the damn cold sore if she'd stopped one jello shot earlier and hadn't blown the bouncer.
@DiapersorWine Making a pot of coffee and cleaning the house because OHMYWORD MY KIDS SHOULD BE THROWN IN PRISON.
@LieslVT Spend hours getting screaming baby to sleep. Check on sleeping baby. Can't hear breathing...prod sleeping baby Repeat
@MrAdamBez If there isn't a Chinese millionaire that's changed their name to Cha Ching, then I don't see the point of money.
@leechee420 I dropped a piece of leftover pizza on the kitchen floor. That's the universe bitch slapping it out of my hand and calling me a fatty.
@MollyERA DO GIRLSCOUTS GET FREE COOKIES AND IF SO DO THEY ACCEPT COLLEGE AGE WOMEN AS SCOUTS
@Deconile I got a pair of those shoes with wheels on them so now when I blackout at the bar they can just easily wheel me out like airport luggage.
@DrinkingatWork Woke up refreshed and ready for the day. Also 90 minutes late.
@KKAlThani Sometimes I get take out sushi and eat it at an aquarium just to remind the fish who's boss.
See you on the interwebs! -Shmonty