"Updates from Shmonty's Social Media" as read on the air today:
Updates from 6:30am
@IamEnidColeslaw: in Hell you're not allowed to look at a photo of yourself immediately after someone takes it.
@mollymcnearney: When it comes to returning emails, I only have two speeds: within 3 seconds or within 3 months.
@JoshMalina: Gosh I love the fall. I just filled my tank with Spicy Pmupkin unleaded.
Updates from 8:30am
@13spencer: I'll never be the best looking person in the room, but I may be the most annoyed that there are other people in the room with me.
@thelaurenobrien: I thought my uncle had coconut in his mustache and I laughed and laughed until I figured out it was mustache dandruff and now I hate men.
@jeffreyvanclea1: when i was little not only did I have to walk to school... my dad would drive by and flip me off.
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See you on the interwebs! -Shmonty