Updates from Shmonty's Social Media 03/12/13:
@Scdavis24 There's only two ingredients In trail mix. . . M&M's and disappointment
@LegionLivesHere They say you are what you eat...but I don't recall ever eating a sexy beast?
@jtrulez I hate it when auto-correct changes "Haha!" to "Hahahahaha!...I'm mildly amused at your text, not a raving lunatic.
@2loony1 Opportunity may have knocked. I wouldn't know; I never answer my door.
@shkeeber Are you ugly? Only take pics with adorable puppies. Problem solved. You’re welcome.
@thenoahkinsey When I was a kid, there were times where I wished I was adopted. If my parents ever read my Tweets, that feeling would probably be mutual.
I'm a grown ass man don't tell me how to spend my money! Lifetime supply of Kit-Kats please.
Have lots of plans this week, so no time for twitter. HA! Just kidding. Covered in cats as I type this. Talk to you tomorrow.
Funny how people who have their kids names and birthdays tattooed on them are always the ones who look like they'd forget that information
My kid threatened to hold her breath until I gave her dessert. She's now passed out on the kitchen floor. I don't negotiate with terrorists.
I like how I can wear my New Era fitted hat for like 7 days before it starts smelling like the intestines of a severely obese dead guy.
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See you on the interwebs! -Shmonty