Updates from Shmonty's Social Media 02/28/13:
@BakeEmAwayToyz To get with the green movement, Vin Diesel has changed his name to Vin Hybrid.
@Elifcello Blood is thicker than water, but maple syrup is thicker than blood. So pancakes are more important than family. There, I said it.
@Firawesome Nothing is impossible. I know a man that once guessed correctly why a woman was mad at him.
@BillMc7 Ladies, if you've ever accidentally called a fax machine, you know exactly what listening to your stories sounds like to men.
@NikiWithIssues There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note "Don't eat me".Now there's an empty plate and a note "Don't tell me what to do"
@DsTwitz If guys were smart they would forget the nightclubs and watch the supermarket for girls buying frozen dinners and cat food.
@HallpassCanada Just saw a really hot woman in 9inch heels pay for a plasma tv with ones.. I could be wrong but i think she might be a librarian.
@HeidiCF8 I'm a girl who fully realizes my place is in the kitchen. That's where my booze is.
@lilgapeach30 Sometimes life throws you a curve ball and you just don't know enough about baseball to finish the metaphor.
@gingerfaced I'll vacuum over something a hundred times before I pick it up and place it back down and try again.
@PanettaSexyTime French Fries are more passionate kissers than the regular fries.
@MrAdamBez Some days I hate getting up for work, but then I think oh well, only another 40 years to go, and that always cheers me up.
See you on the interwebs! -Shmonty