Updates from Shmonty's Social Media 02/19/13:
@thatUPSdude Whenever someone says to me "Things could be worse" I punch them in the face and say "Like that?"
@DRAINxYOU I just want someone to love me for who I think I am while intoxicated.
@pro_failure Not sure of the date or time on my Death Certificate but the cause will be "Whoops."
@Faptually Stop flavoring whiskey. Its supposed to taste like "oh my god my mouth is on fire and I feel like the hulk now."
@ryan9billion Sometimes life kicks you repeatedly in the nuts and you've just got to suck it up and take it like a man. A sobbing high pitched little man.
@meaganbb1 Order a pizza. There's a knock. Hungrily, u fling the door open, &...there stands creepy dude w/a banjo It's not delivery, it's Deliverance
See you on the interwebs! -Shmonty