Updates from Shmonty's Social Media from 01/31/13:
@PoodasBrain Wanna feel hot without going to the gym? Go to Walmart.
@VanessaLaVue I can't believe people make jokes about the Titanic. How could they sink that low?
@boobill The key to not crying when cutting up onions is to avoid forming an emotional bond in the first place.
@DevinSiebold Teenagers throw around the word "love" like adults throw around the word "diet."
@kellyoxford I really want to wear a giant bandage on half my face for this magazine interview and then refuse to talk about it.
@TheThryll I hate girls with faces that make me think I already know what her brother looks like.
See you on the interwebs! -Shmonty